I must admit, Mother’s Day this year was not a joyous day for me and it can be challenging for me every year knowing I failed to protect my children from abuse and there is nothing greater than grief over the loss of having your children in your life. Sadly, taking children away from the protective parent is more common than not as the abusers last straw to get back at the the person they are terrorizing for leaving.
BUT, I got great news today.
Although, my circumstances with my children remain the same unfortunately, I always look for things where I CAN make an impact and hopefully use my story to facilitate change.
So, after a challenging weekend digging into my own shadows of grief, I see THIS.
The Pixel Project is proud to present our sixth annual Survivor Stories Blog Interview Project in honour of Mother’s Day 2019. The annual campaign runs throughout the month of May and features up to 31 interviews with a survivor of any form of violence against women (VAW) perpetuated by men and/or patriarchal culture/system including domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, stalking, online violence against women, female genital mutilation, forced/child marriage, sex trafficking, breast ironing etc.
This campaign was created to provide:
VAW survivors a platform to share their stories and solutions/ideas on how they rebuilt their lives and healed/are healing.
Girls and women currently experiencing or who have survived VAW ideas, hope, and inspiration to escape the violence and know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and there is help out there.
About Laura’s Story
Laura from a recent trip meditating in the forests of California
Trauma is an unrecognized epidemic in this country with links to explainable health issues, chronic illness, mental health, and even cancer, and Laura aims to use her experience to break the cycle of abuse through healing.
Click here to read my story as featured talking about:
My personal experience with gender-based violence (this may include domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, female genital mutilation etc)
How I escaped the cycle of violence
How I healed and rebuild my life as well as actions I took to make it happen
Suggestions shared for another woman or girl facing the same situation as I did
How I think we can end violence against women
Why I support The Pixel Project
We would be honored if you would follow me on Facebook at Healing Trauma Through Spirit and/or Healing With Spirit. and help me continue to facilitate change by breaking the cycle of abuse through healing.
Your support is much appreciated in this mission to heal something so elusive in the medical community and as a society as a whole despite the ongoing ACE study and other data regarding violence against women and children.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story
I want women and mothers to know …
YOU. ARE. VALUED.
I am here to help guide you. In the meantime, don’t forget to pause, breathe and take a moment for yourself.
Spiritual Medium, Speaker, Trauma Specialist and Healer Providing Spiritually based integrative holistic health enrichment. Available for private sessions, speaking opportunities, workshop facilitations, events, and groups.
To birth as a mother is the gift of all life. As I age, with maturity and life experience comes a new perspective for me. How I view Mother’s Day has changed over the years.
Why do I say “birthing of Mothers”? I inadvertently used this, and then began thinking why did I define it that way. I hear in my inner voice say … “because Mothers ARE birthed”. Mothers are initiated. They are initiated into motherhood. If you look up the definition to “give birth”, the word initiate comes up.
Motherhood is a celebration of unconditional love that begins its journey from conception that no one could ever break. I read this quote and it summed it up for me …
“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
– Elizabeth Stone
So yes, mothers are initiated or birthed. I recall the first time I was going to be a mother and I totally panicked. Then when I delivered my daughter and after 2 days, the hospital sent me home and I panicked. “Like what do you mean I go home. What do I do? How do I know she is ok or not ok? What do I do? Like wow, I am responsible for this little person? What if I mess up? What if I miss the cues that something is wrong?” Sound familiar?
Motherhood changes you forever and encompasses every area of a our life. It changes the way we think about ourselves, our family, our friends, and the world all around us. It changes our belief systems, the way we view life, the way we reflect, and the way we act and react. Motherhood teaches us to examine things differently with a different lens on things we never gave a second thought to before, and to even question everything we thought to be true.
Mothers are underappreciated and undervalued … in my opinion. To me, mothers are the modern day superhero or “superSHEro” who handle everything as a 24 hour job. Without the community support as in ancient times, mothers now we feel the constant pressure, stress, and feelings of being overwhelmed inundated with yelling text messages, kicking, screaming, and resistance without a moment of quiet solitude.
Somehow, mothers still find a way to push through it all despite the demands to maintain a full time job while meet the demands of motherhood, and patriarchal societies telling mothers how to feed their newborns with attempts to control their super powers.
It truly is the hardest job there is. Why? Because despite how tired, exhausted, worn down, burnt out we may feel crying ourselves to sleep wishing for 5 minutes of zenful peace, we still carry on like super SHEroes.
With Mother’s Day, comes mixed bag of emotions. It is supposed to be a day to honor our Mothers. Many have an undeniable unbreakable bond with their mothers.
However, as someone who has worked with many women over losing their children, the grief can be unbearable. For these mothers, it is not all peaches and cream.
For children who may have lost a mother prematurely, it can be equally as unbearable. I saw a client once who was dealing with that very situation where a loved one with a young elementary school children was given a diagnosis of 3 months to live and these children were having difficulties in understanding what is happening and struggles watching his/her mother die.
It is important to recognize this reality if we are to heal the whole collectively. We need to honor ALL mothers regardless of situations or stories we play out in our lives.
Women have been called to rise up and unite collectively as it was done so many centuries ago in a community of sisterhood where we can be held, heard, supported, valued.
Alone we are strong. Together in a community of sisterhood, we are unstoppable.
We all have our separate experiences with unique journeys in regards to our own motherhood journeys or with our own mothers. It is important to honor those journeys as sacred wherever they may be.
It is important for us to dismantle the colonialist conditioning of women conflicting with other women when in reality it’s natural for us to nurture, hold space, heal, in a safe container. We have just the event to inspire you.
Be sure to check out our upcoming Women’s retreat. Surrender into self care. Journey into self discovery and nurture your soul in a community of sisterhood. Give yourself the time out you need. Click here for details on our upcoming retreat.
I want women and mothers to know …
YOU. ARE. VALUED.
I am here to help guide you. In the meantime, don’t forget to pause, breathe and take a moment for yourself.
Spiritual Medium, Speaker, Trauma Specialist and Healer Providing Spiritually based integrative holistic health enrichment. Available for private sessions, speaking opportunities, workshop facilitations, events, and groups.
How have your dreams been over the last few months? Anything revealing?
The energies in the Universe have been really pushing us hard to release old beliefs systems and patterns and open us up to expansion. Although, we may not perceive it in this way. We are at a time where questioning our reality is increasing. That is when we should actually take a pause. Quiet the mind, and let the inner wisdom guide us to our truth. The more we resist or fear, the more push back we may experience.
How much spiritual internal work we have done and continue to do, will determine the degree of push back. None of us are immune. The difference really lies in the awareness and having the tools to adjust accordingly. Those who have been avoiding, fearing, or spiritually bypassing*, are finding out things to be quite challenging.
One of the ways we are adjusting or sorting things out energetically is through our sleep and our dream state.
Dreams give us an opportunity and clues to our waking life. Paying attention to them can help us understand what is happening and what actions to take.
According to Psychology Today, dreams can show us meaningful patterns in our waking life. This can include things like:
The patterns in dreaming can correspond to various aspects of the dreamer’s physical and mental health.
Dreams can also accurately reflect people’s engagement in various other areas such as relationships, sports, education, spirituality, personal identity and more.
Laura recently in San Francisco area of Mill Valley, CA amongst the mountains & trees
What Laura’s Dream Show Us
A Forever Home, Trees, a Big Fluffy White Bed, and Nakedness. Whaaat?
My dreams have been vivid, full of messages, and very telling. These dreams are like clues on a treasure map to lead to the buried treasure which we sometimes think is hidden externally somewhere, but in reality the treasure we seek resides within. I talked about some of these experiences on social media. If you follow me, you may have caught some of the discussions.
To give you an example, here is one dream I had and what it revealed to me in the end.
Recently, I had a dream that I finally bought my forever home. This was after losing my home in 2008 as a result of the ongoing onslaught of financial abuse after leaving my domestic abuser in 2005. I had bought my first home at age 19 and the home I lost was the result of almost 20 years of hard work gone … all because of a bad decision on who I chose to marry who saw me as a target he could steal, manipulate, control, and abuse.
I looked at this house in the dream, and knew it was it, and put a deposit on it same day. I sighed with happy tears in my eyes. I felt instantly lighter as if a massive weight was lifted off my shoulders. This was a dream that I never thought was possible BUT, that fear was conquered. I not only got my forever home, I got my zen, happy place and peace restored.
The house was a modest 2 story home (guessing approx 1500 sq ft) and located in a quiet neighborhood at the top of the hill with lots of trees. It was abutting a beautiful forested wooded park like those I had seen in Seattle, WA. It was lush and healthy as if secret fairies, magic, and fairy gardens were hidden in there. That appealed to me greatly in the dream.
When I went inside the home, it was empty and bare. No curtains or furniture and even the cabinet doors in the kitchen were removed. I recall being a little startled until I walked into the master bedroom. It was the only room furnished simplistically with a big comfortable zenful white bed that I just had to lie in. I was suddenly in all my nakedness and was comfortable in my bareness.
The realtor, an elderly grey haired white man, walked in on me as I went to close the door telling him that I had no clothes on attempting to cover myself with my arms and hands. I noticed the door had no handle from the inside of the room and opened from right to left.
The house also had one of those wall-less walk in showers, but bathroom was seriously outdated and in need of repair, with falling tiles near the ceiling. It was as if no one had been in here for years with tiles that looked like it was from the 1960s. However, I recall loving the weird layout.
Bedrooms and bathrooms are big symbols in dreams and can help us understand the every day aspects of our life. Such as:
The open shower can represent an act of cleansing the inner self.
The bathroom itself can mean in this case that personal freedom still needs some work and cleansing.
Bathrooms in general are an important sign of an opportunity to expand business affairs and reach a satisfying conclusion.
Bedrooms on the other hand say a lot about our private life and things that might need resolve. This also might involve attachments to a project requiring negotiation which is likely to provide prosperity.
Photo: Pinerest
The big fluffy white bed denotes peaceful times, a purity, positive changes afoot and/or building of strong healthy relationships. It reminded me of the one I slept in at the Airbnb I stayed at in Seattle. It was comforting, peaceful, and made me feel blissful.
As a kid, I was wanted to study the science of dreams, and even represented my High School as a freshman in the regional science fair. My project was on whether or not food affects the way a person dreams. I still recall having ice cream, and then dreamt about going skiing.
This dream was a blessing with simple reminders for my waking life. The key message here is a reminder that miracles do happen. Messages I heard were:
You are on the right path.
You are almost there. So close you can taste it.
The old is crumbling away, and you are now within reach of attaining everything you have sought after and worked so hard for.
It is ok to question, but know when to discern things are moving in the positive direction vs a setback from the same old story keeping you hostage.
Your home is showing the areas you still need to release fears and old heal traumas, as that is what is holding you back the most now.
It is ok. You. Are. Safe. You don’t have to keep looking over your shoulder anymore.
It is time. It is time for you to rise up. No more cowering in the corner. You have bared all and stripped everything. Now rise. Walk through the fire and blaze a new path.
What have your dreams been expressing for you in your life? I’d love to hear your dream experiences. So please share in the comments below.
Three Tips To Guide You
We forget we are made of of mostly water and energy (frequency and vibration) that then make up our cells, tissues, organs and our very BE-ing. So to wonder why are we so sensitive and/or is this a load or horseshit, I’d ask you to really consider our very miraculous make up.We are stardust after all that originated from particles of a star. Are we not?
According to LSU physicist Edward Zganjar (pronounced Skyner), “the iron in our blood and the calcium in our bones were all forged in such stars.” Just think about that for a moment. (Pause)
So it is not unusual that we can be affected by our sun, our planet’s magnetic shifts, moon phases, astrological events, and even super novas millions of light years away.
Here are three tips to guide you as you move forward during these every changing energies:
1.Pay attention to your dreams when you have them. The ones to really pay attention to are those vivid dreams or those that feel like an alternate reality or even a message type of dream.
Upon waking, press the rewind button on your brain for dream recall. Then write down or voice record as much detail as possible. Be sure to include moods, colors, and how you felt during the experience and how you felt upon waking. Were you sweaty, fearful, anxious, numb, joyful, silly, etc.? They are all clues to helping you uncover the hidden meanings like clues on a treasure map.
Note that our dreams can hold clues to all we are currently experiencing on this planet at this time.
In ancient times, dreams were seen as a way to give information about the past, present, future or even as omens or insights. They are symbolic messages like clues to a treasure map of our own psyche.
So, pay attention. You just might get the answers you seek through the form of your dreams.
2. Be aware of your body’s experiences, build an intimate relationship with self, and develop a language of communication with the body. If you are feeling tension in the shoulders, pay attention. If you all of a sudden feel unexplained exhaustion, pay attention. This is a secret language we must learn. Your body will tell you everything you need to know. Trust its wisdom.
The clues our body gives us are one of the following: spiritual upgrades and adjustments, clues to what you need to address and not ignore or pretend it will just go away, and/or symptoms of releasing old beliefs, patterns, traumas (personal, generational, or past life). This is stuff usually not in our conscious awareness, but buried in the shadows of our subconscious. So it takes work, self compassion, self love and understanding.
3. The Shadow work continues. Everything we seek is buried in the depths of our shadows of our subconscious minds. If you want to change your life go into the depths of your shadows. Yes. Go there.
If you want to change what you see in the external world, go into the depths of your shadows. Yes. Go there.
It is important to continue to dig deep and get real with yourself and continue to go into the shadows of self and confront your fears. This is where the buried treasure resides. Spiritually bypassing* this reality is like a euphoric false sense of reality like an addictive drug that is blinding us from what we need to do collectively and in the end creates more unnecessary suffering as a result.
Be gentle and compassionate with yourself in the process. This is not easy work. Internal work is a shit show that gets messy and raw, but in the end, it feels like massive weights and chains have been cut off and we can breathe again.
There is a lot happening energetically on the planet right now, and it is not going away any time soon. It is important we learn how to navigate these changes with as much grace and ease as possible. Will it be easy? No.
However, with tips like what I have mentioned above and sharing these experiences with you, hopefully will open your eyes a little bit to a whole new way of experiencing life and being part of the collective solutions our Great Mother desperately needs. We have a responsibility to our Mother. We are her stewards after all.
Do we treat her with respect?
Do we honor her?
Do we listen to her cries?
Do we take action to become better stewards?
Just food for thought here.
Your comments and feedback are so important to me. Please share what you gained or learned from this post or what questions did this post leave you with . What is your take a way?
Photo by: Verdi Studio
Thank you for sharing this journey with me and for reading. Don’t forget to pause and breathe.
Want more? Check out our blog for more insights. Click here.
Spiritually Bypassing*
* To learn more about what spiritually bypassing is, you may watch the video I did in Nov 2018 on YouTube that talks about it. Click here for the video. AND be sure to subscribe to our channel to see more videos as they come in.
What if I said there is a free or low cost pill to help you with your stress, would you want to know more about how to get it?
What if I said to you that pill was in your own back yard or within walking distance for many with no lines of people, would you want to know more?
What if I said going into the woods or in nature is better than any pill to reduce stress, would you believe me?
Many of you have seen the pictures and hear about my journeys in nature and what it does for me, my anxiety, stress, CPTSD and my soul if you follow me on Healing With Spirit on Facebook, YouTube or Instagram.
For me, going into nature is a way for me to ground, reboot, relax, release, and connect to the divine around me and within me. I especially find something very comforting being in the mountains, but woods, trees, water, ocean, beach can all work for me too. It’s one of my main tools to me manage my triggers, anxiety and CPTSD.
For me it has been better than any pill ever given to me or as this study argues “nature pills could be a low-cost solution to reduce the negative health impacts stemming from growing urbanization and indoor lifestyles dominated by screen viewing”.
Because of my daily spiritual hygiene including meditation, energy healing, proper diet, and nature, I have removed all my medications I was on for my CPTSD. To read more about my nature healing journeys, click here to scroll my blog.
Here’s a study coming out of the University of Michigan that says “Just 20 minutes of contact with nature will lower stress hormone levels”
STUDY SUMMARY:
2019 by: Laura Joseph, Blue Hills Reservation, M
“Taking at least 20 minutes out of your day to stroll or sit in a place that makes you feel in contact with nature will significantly lower your stress hormone levels. That’s the finding of a study that has established for the first time the most effective dose of an urban nature experience. Healthcare practitioners can use this discovery to prescribe ‘nature-pills’ in the knowledge that they have a real measurable effect.”
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
In Japan, this is called “Shinrin-yoku” (Oprah), which was first introduced by Dr. Qing Li and the Forest Agency of the Japanese government in 1982 when doctors began prescribing spending time in nature to help their stressed-out patients.
Shinrin-yoku 森林浴, which can be defined as “taking in the forest atmosphere or forest bathing”, has been receiving increasing attention in Japan in recent years for its capacity to provide relaxation and reduce stress. Since 2004, there have been studies to ascertain the physiological effects of Shinrin-yoku within the framework of the “Therapeutic Effects of Forests” project. (NCBI; NIH)
Shinrin-yoku is considered to be one of the most accessible ways to get in touch with the natural world and to lower excessive stress to levels that are commensurate with what our bodies are “expected” to cope with.
2019 Laura in the Marin County Redwoods, CA
WANT TO LEARN HOW:
Want to learn HOW to go into nature to reduce stress, create more insight, ground, and connect to the divine in nature and within, contact me TODAY .
Book a private and/or group 1-2 hour or half/full day sessions and groups TODAY.
5 SHINRIN-YOKU TIPS:
Here are 5 simple steps to remember when practicing shinrin-yoku:
Leave your phone, camera or any other distractions behind. Do not take them with you.
Leave behind your goals and especially your expectations.
It is important to press the PAUSE from time to time, to look more closely at a leaf or notice the sensation.
Find a comfy spot to take a seat and just listen to the sounds around you. Take it all in.
If others go with you, take note. It is important to resist any form of talking or any other distractions until the end of the walk. At the end you share your experiences with each other. I personally find doing this with others challenging.
Thank you so much to the The Soul Project for their amazing work to share stories of women and allow my story to heard and supported.
Seeing my story published by them shockingly brought me to tears of joy to see how far I have come. What a magnificent way to end my birthday weekend and begin the week a new.
About The Soul Project:
As stated on their website: “The Soul Project – where ordinary women get vulnerable, open wide and share their stuff; the good and the bad, the dreams and the struggles, the triumphs and the trauma to expose the extraordinary souls that lie within.
In a stressful world dominated by social media high-light reels we women are judging and comparing each other and ourselves more than ever.
I believe the majority of us are just doing the best we can and it is my hope that by sharing our truths we will create more compassion for one another, learn to judge each other less and most importantly start believing in ourselves more.
Every woman has a story; a voice that deserves to be heard. The Soul Project provides a supportive platform backed by a loving tribe. Here, empowered women empower women to step into their truths and proudly own their unique story.”
You may visit their website for more soul stories by clicking here.
More About Laura’s Story
I knew I had a story that was like a Michael Crighton novel.
However, I was originally hesitant to share some of the details in fear of being judged or discarded as too broken to matter as I have in the past.
Thanks to the amazing brave women before me who have been blazing a path for me to feel safe enough, strong enough, empowered enough, worthy enough to speak out about the stuff I didn’t talk about.
Like how I was almost sexually abducted at 12 years old, raped at age 15, fired from my first real job after college for asking my boss to keep his hands off of me, to being ruffied only to be rescued by a friend pulling me out of a car of 4 strange men that eventually set me up for marrying a domestic abuser.
In 2005, I began my healing journey that led me to the person you see before you, a badass dragon warrior goddess that transforms lives.
I know my story. I know how I have come.When I read this on Monday, it literally brought me to tears of joy to see how far I have come. It was surely a magnificent way to end my birthday weekend and begin the week a new.
–> I know statistically, we have thousands of who are survivors of child abuse, rape, emotional or mental abuse, elder abuse, sexual harassment, physical abuse and domestic violence.
–> Please comment below with word “SURVIVOR” to see how many we have to reflect we are no longer silenced and know we support each other.
This does NOT mean, you are living in the past. We all heal trauma differently and we are all shaped by the events in our lives differently.
I want those who still may feel silenced, to know you are not alone.
I am a badass dragon spiritual warrior goddess that burns away fear buried deep in my shadows, shields my human vessel from harm, stands strong in my truth and raw authentic power, and moves swiftly against those who victimize others.
Today, I am making “herstory” with some dragon magic in tow. I am no longer a victim of my past, but a badass. It’s taken me a VERY long time (decades) to get to this point. CPTSD and the fallout of trying to survive after abuse is NOT easy…far from it.
I’m going thru lots of growing pains right now & on the verge of a major breakthrough … the kind I’ve waited a lifetime for if not multiple lifetimes.
See me.
Feel me.
Hear me.
Bare witness to the transformation and magic of dragon in the depths of my soul.
AND so, I bless my junk … I bless all who caused me harm & I mourn all I lost. In doing so, I find the buried treasure residing within me all along … buried in my own shadows. To read more on this bless your junk series, click here.
Today I celebrate ALL OF ME and all the brave courageous strong women before me.
I celebrate the wisdom of my ancestors breathing and pulsating in my veins.
I celebrate all the badass women and men who have guided me, supported me, journeyed with me, and mentored me throughout the years.
Hmmmmm do we have the luck of the Irish this month? Got spring fever yet? As I am typing this, the sun is shining, and the outdoor temperature is in the low 40’s as we prepare for a massive storm stretching most of the US kicking off the month of March. I always see storms as something significant in the spiritual path and something to view within all of us to help our souls growth.
There is soooooo much shifting, healing, revealing, and shaking up going on, and I do not anticipate that momentum slowing down any time soon.
Forget the Lamb. Hello Lion.
Right? Are you feeling this already? Holy cow. Or should I say holy lioness? Or is it the DRAGON masked as the lion?
This month, I edge closer to the 50 mark on the solar calendar and this is the time of year I check in deep with myself and where I am going, where do I find joy and what still need to be accomplished.
Over the next couple months, I will be doing LOTS of traveling for personal and professional development to attend a magical wedding, co-facilitate a men’s healing group in VT, and attend the Trauma Training Conference with Vander Kolk. Just to give a glimpse.
This month I feel will definitely push boundaries and push us out of our comfort zones forcing us to dig deeper before the thaw and emergence of the new plantings of spring.
Self-Love: A Journey
1 of 10 hearts stumbled upon a walk mid Feb 2019
Last week I wrote about an experience I had at the park with hearts on the 10 year anniversary of the divine sending me signs and learning to build a partnership with the divine to help guide me on my path.
You can read the post here, Self Love – A Journey With The Divine in Nature. I write these posts from the heart to share these journeys with you. As always, I would cherish your comments and feedback on the post and know if what I write resonates with you and helps guide you on YOUR path.
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Dragon and the Sun
Screen shot of video of sun activity 2/27/19
Many of you have been hearing me talk about dragon energy increasingly over the last few years and may have even attended an event I facilitated where we tapped into dragon energy. Well check this out… this is filed under #cantmakethisshitup.
I was watching a scientific video on the updates of solar activity and how it affects the sun dated 2/27, and while watching it, I saw a dragon in the coronal hole of the sun (or what I like to call the shadow side of the sun). Do you see it? Here is the screenshot I took.
I believe this is the same solar storm that spewed out a dragon northern light show that was circulating all over social media on the 28th.
So now we are in March … how lion … I feel like our the wounded unhealed part of our egos might get quite the challenge this month and it is important to remember to come from a place of soul and view what surfaces emotionally for you as a road map of what needs to be released, healed, or reevaluated.
Mercury Retrograde
With mercury going retrograde on March 6th, it will be a good time to re-evaluate, relax, rethink, redo, plan, prepare projects or situations. Now I am a Pisces, so what I know is that it is important to PAUSE and seek the lessons or pearl of wisdom that is being presented to you. You might find this challenging because we are a culture and a society that let’s our emotions control us vs guide us. Yes there is a difference.
Happy happy. What a glorious day it is here in New England, and what another whirlwind of a month February has turned out to be.
This heart rock I am holding was one of the many hearts I found while on the walk with the dogs last week just after the full moon.
This was the same walk with a picture I posted on social media last week with the green orb heart as pictured below. I will post more pictures from this day at the very end of this post.
Green heart orb under the rising full moon. Feb 2019
The Revelation
Fascinating as I stop and pause in reflection of my life …. The journey I have been on since 2005 has been extraordinary to say the least when I really think about all I have endured and overcome since then. It has been far from easy re-discovering myself and back to a fearless love state deeply rooted to my soul.
When things started to not only get more difficult for me after seeking protections from abuse, but escalated, and I didn’t know what to trust or who to trust or what to believe or not to believe, I stopped out of desperation as if it were my last breath of life. I asked the divine for a sign that I was on the right path and that the decision I was about to embark on at the time was for my highest and best during one of the darkest days in my life desperate to be free from constant onslaught of abuse.
That happened 10 years ago this month in 2009. What I have learned about myself since then is still a masterpiece in the works.
When I posed that question to the universe out loud asking for help, I said a prayer to acknowledge and release all fear and asked for a sign that I am on the right path. About an hour later, while driving over the Fore River Bridge, in Quincy, Massachusetts, I happened to see an angel in the sky.
Quincy, MA February 2009
Of course I took a picture. And that picture was not one angel, but two. However, with the naked eye I only saw one. To this day, I believe this was a divine sign from my aunt and grandmother who can also come in as one divine messenger too!
The quote came as a result of doing some picture collages for my children and this quote suddenly come to me in the form of a message from the divine to “stop, listen and observe for they will guide you”.
Understanding Love In Its Pure Form
There were many things I didn’t realize at the time when my journey began in 2005. I had to re-learn what love is in its pure form, and undo what we are conditioned to think or believe based on propaganda, societal and religious ideologies that tend to be patriarchal and sexualized in nature.
In order to understand what love is in its pure form, I had to first learn how to self-love again . This also means I had to understand that my desire to be “needed” or “validated” in order to feel loved was not love but my desperation for love from others. This was also a form of dependency which many of us confuse with love as well. We confuse doing for others or “martyrdom” as love and selfless, but at least to me and in my self discovery it is not.
What Love is NOT
Do I look in the mirror and focus on what’s wrong and focus on all the flaws?
Do I focus on why I can’t do something right?
Do I focus on comparing myself to another and loathe at what I am lacking?
Basically do we Gaslight the s*** out of ourselves or do we see the light that we are in its pure form and acknowledging all the perfect imperfections as divinely in order as it supposed to be?
How did we condition ourselves this way?
Who conditioned us with these beliefs?
We were not born this way. It is time to break the cycle and step into our power and embrace the love energies the Universe is giving us.
The Journey Into Self Love
I refer back to the angel sign from February 2009. Since I did not know who to trust or what, I went up to the spirit realm. Since then, I have developed a relationship with and a language with the divine, and every now and then when I am off track or when I ask for guidance, I am blessed with messages in the form of signs.
Last week, a part of me reverted to old beliefs and patterns, and each time I was redirected in the form of signs of hearts everywhere and on this walk, there were at least ten hearts. Some are pictured below.
Love is BIGGER than us and yet one of the strongest emotions we experience as human beings. We tend to put our defining moments and perceptions of love onto an experience with another.
In order to attract the love we seek in another, we must first have the greatest love affair with our self and through that vibration we attract that kind of lover and partner.
It’s been a journey into the discovery of love for sure. We forget that love is inherently FREE, yet many times we allow fear, judgement, and attempts to understand what it means distort the magic of it. However, I believe, we have yet to truly understand what is means in its pure form and in relation to self love, because we are conditioned that fulfillment resides in the magic of love with committed romantic relationship.
So what are we missing?
Over the years, I’ve learned love is pure and weightless that creates a chemical shift in our neurological system.
It is a force of nature pure and simple.
There are no conditions or expectations associated with love.
Love is about honoring what is and mastering presence. It is NOT euphoria that comes and goes like passion, seduction and infatuation where we tend to confuse with love.
Love is bigger than the self or human conditioning. It’s the light that radiates within you. It is interconnected to all life and to the collective consciousness.
It is not a commodity that can be traded on Wall Street or something that can be turned on or off like a light switch.
You can invite love in. You can surrender to love by releasing fear, practicing presence and living in a state of gratitude.
Love is the life force that resides within you. It is unconditional.
when we honor the divine within, we open the door to infinite possibilities.
I am grateful for the divine signs to remind of these facts when I fall off track myself.
What is love to YOU?
What has love taught you? Please share your thoughts and experiences with us.
How do you define love in your life?
In the meantime, I am here to help you. Don’t forget to pause, breathe and take a moment for yourself.
Please leave a comment below to let us know if this post inspired or helped you on your path.
It is back with a vengeance … if you live or work in MA, please take a moment and hear about this pending bill that needs our collective immediate attention.
In my personal and professional opinion, it is sadly a misguided bill under the guise of anti-human trafficking that will have a greater negative affect than good and ultimately hurting those they are trying to protect.
We will address the following:
What is MA Bill SD1840? How will practitioners be affected?
How will MA Bill SD1840 Affect You, the Consumer?
Current MA Laws
A Personal Note: Regarding how these practices SAVED my life, reiki, predatory behavior, training, pending MA SD1840
Urgent action is necessary
How you can help
What is MA Bill SD1840? How will practitioners be affected?
MA Bill SD1840 has been introduced AGAIN by Senator Montigny for the third time. If passed, SD1840 would negatively affect all Reiki, Meditation, Yoga, Martial Arts, Thai Chi, and the like in Massachusetts.
Under current MA law, Reiki is exempt from massage licensure in MA, but this law attempts to set up an entirely new licensing process for all types of healers and spiritually based practitioners/facilitators or the like, and mandate they be licensed, receive government endorsed education; and that these modalities can only be taught in state licensed schools.
MA SD1840 bill will negatively impact all practitioners who: “…uses touch, words or directed movement to deepen awareness of patterns of movement in the body, or the affectation of the human energy system or acupoints or Qi meridians of the human body while engaged within the scope of practice of a profession with established standards and ethics;”
How does one regulate ones own Qi … something that we all have that is innate in each of us?
Click HERE for more information and action to take through the National Health Freedom Action.
How will MA Bill SD1840 Affect You, the Consumer?
If allowed to pass, this bill will also negatively affect our human right to access to holistic, complementary alternative medicine, and spiritually based therapies.
If allowed to pass, SD1840 will also:
result in increased cost burdens to the consumer and practitioner,
reduced or eliminated access to much needed services especially those in the under-served marginalized communities, end of life care, those fighting chronic illness or cancer, elderly populations, and trauma survivors.
will NOT end or reduce sex trafficking as it is proposed it will do as it is written.
restrict or alter practices such as reiki, yoga, thai chi, meditation under the SAME training requirements without understanding the fundamentals or roots as well as the cultural and spiritual traditions of these practices that are non-western and attempts to westernize such concepts by legislature with no comprehension or involving experts in these fields is detrimental.
may also fringe upon many sacred spiritual practices used in churches and religious places of worship throughout the state.
Requiring all practitioners to be licensed and trained through a state licensed school is currently impossible as these programs do NOT exist and would instantly put thousands of taxpaying practitioners out of business over night and halt all volunteer programs, and consumers access to care.
Current MA Laws
Massachusetts already has very good massage laws that protect bodyworkers exempting them from licensure requirements: “including but not limited to……Feldenkrais Method; Reflexology; The Trager Approach; Ayurvedic Therapies, Rolf Structural Integration, Polarity or Polarity Therapy; Polarity Therapy Bodywork; Asian Bodywork Therapy that does not constitute massage as defined in this chapter; Acupressure; Jin Shin Do; Qi Gong; Tui Na; Shiatsu; Body-Mind Centering and Reiki”
Click HERE for more information and action to take through the National Health Freedom Action.
Laura at the MA State House in 2018 Lobbying For Survivors of Abuse BUT Against Proposed Bill
A Personal Note: A Message From Laura
Regarding how these practices saved her life, reiki, predatory behavior, training, and pending MA SD1840
Why MA SD1840 Affects Me Personally?
In search of “healing the broken me” as I would like to call it from years of abuse that resulted in complex C-PTSD or complex post traumatic stress disorder, I originally delved into the traditional American Healthcare System in hopes I can quickly return to my unbroken self. Like many others, I have felt that I was not getting better and band-aids were being applied to my mental, emotional, and physical symptoms that were not getting better and began to spiral out of control.
I realized there had to be more to all this and began looking into the spiritual aspects of my issues that the healthcare system couldn’t figure out.
I started reconnecting to my spiritual path. I began meditating. I eliminated inflammatory foods. I sought out reputable teachers and healers. I started connecting with the divine within me and my divine team. I learned and studied multiple holistic health modalities and spiritually based practices THAT would NEVER have been possible if this bill becomes law..
These practices saved my life and has been allowing me to reclaim my life in ways to defy all logic. I was fortunate in who I sought out as healers and other professionals to help guide me.
However, abusers and predators are still very skillful at their tactics, which is what leads me to the next point …
My 2018 Lobby Efforts
Many of you know I went to the MA State House last year and spoke to legislators about this bill as a survivor of abuse, an advocate for survivors, and as a spiritually based holistic health practitioner opposing this bill last year as I feel it will NOT address the sex trafficking problems and not only create unrealistic burdens on spiritually based therapies, but put most of us out of business.
There are current laws to address sex trafficking already on the books that are NOT being enforced. We see this clearly in the lack of enforcement in the massage industry with many sex trafficking massage parlors in plain sight allowed to operate and remain open.
Many of you also are aware of my work against predatory practitioners in this state. Even though this is a problem, this particular bill is NOT the answer.
Unfortunately, to some of you it may be a surprise that I am in support of some kind of regulation until our westernized mindset shifts the bastardization of many sacred arts in the name of fame, greed and predatory behavior.
The kinds of spiritually based practices that should be respected are NOT as it should be, and our own communities have failed to self regulate ourselves in the name of “inclusivity” without prioritizing safety first and healthy boundaries, while indirectly contributing or being complicit to predatory behaviors, scrupulous unethical behaviors, greed, egoic bases out of fear.
Many of us in the community have started to address these serious issues, but is it too late? I guess that all depends on YOU, me, us and how we respond to this bill.
Personally I have invested in over $14,000 in studying with the appropriate reiki studies and certification programs with an accreditation process to teach as it was taught by the founders in Japan, completely free of the westernization that quelled its magic … AND now the state of Massachusetts wants to say this training is inadequate and I must relearn through their school of their choosing who has NO invested interest in these sacred original direct teachings in Japan.
THIS would make our founder of Reiki, Mikao Usui Sensei, and his student who was responsible for bringing Reiki to the west, Dr. Chujiro Hayashi, very sad.
This bill if passed, will set up an entirely new licensing process for all types of healers and bodywork vocations under ONE educational program, mandate licensing, receive government endorsed education; and these regulated spiritually based modalities can only be taught in state licensed schools.
How is that possible?
What I Know and Why I Stand By My Statements
So much has changed over the years in the modern reiki world … at least in the United States of America. With the varying schools of reiki training, the growing legislation by some states to regulate many spiritually based practices and healing modalities such as reiki, and predators invading spiritually based communities to seek out their next grooming victim, it is important know how this affects you, how to find the right reiki practitioner and/or teacher to help you, and how to navigate all these changes. I wrote a couple of posts (links below) to help guide you.
As a whole, when we disregard the care and sacredness of sacred arts and teachings such as reiki, we not only lose the magic, we open ourselves up to state regulation.
When we LABEL anything that involves some sort of energy healing or use of crystals or Christian ideology or other new age concepts that did NOT originate from Japan … although nice in their own right (this is NOT a reflection of lack of value of those arts) … we lose the meaning and magic of reiki in its pure form.
As a result, how do we define reiki, LEGALLY, with all these added non Japanese reiki elements that dominate our western culture?
I do not know the exact answer to that, but I do know this may cause legal issues if the sacred pure form of reiki is lost due to westernization.
Click here to read “12 Tips and 10 Questions to Ask a Reiki Practitioner and/or Teacher When Healing Trauma”
and/or Click here to read “#TimesUp Healers & Reiki Practitioners” where we will explore the following to address perceptions, boundaries, trauma, predatory behavior, healing, and healers.
My goal is two fold for these two posts:
to awaken reiki practitioners and healers to their full optimum potential while understanding their ethical responsibilities to their clients and/or students,
and to help guide those seeking healing services for themselves or a loved one.
Click HERE for more information and action to take through the National Health Freedom Action.
Urgent action is necessary
Inaction on this or thinking someone else will take care of it is misguided on our parts. Thinking we do not have the time it takes to address this issue, will hurt all of us. This bill was barely defeated over the last 2 years.
This will REQUIRE ALL of us to stand up against this bill.
This will take a community.
Will you join me?
How You Can Help
Click Here to automatically send a message to your personal Senator and revisit this link throughout the coming weeks for updates on the bill’s status (i.e., whether it is scheduled for a public hearing and when).
Click HERE for more information and action to take through the National Health Freedom Action.
In the meantime, I am here to help you. Don’t forget to pause, breathe and take a moment for yourself.
For more information about my work with trauma, please visit:
Holy cow. Talk about energetic shift shows knocking us for a loop forcing us to release old belief systems, fears, traumas in order for us to step forward into our authenticity and personal soul-based power. I talked about the “Mid January 2019 Cosmic Energy Updates and What You Need To Know” in a video on YouTube. Click here to watch the video.
As I have said previously, I am not immune to these shifts. I am grateful for the skill sets I have learned and still learning to help me navigate these shifts hopefully with a little more finesse.
What January Taught Us:
clear away blocks of resistance
purge the old outdated stuff, things, people, relationships, etc
resistance to this change yielded lots of disruptions in our health, personal life, careers etc.
taught us more about the need for community and collaborations
that self care has never been more important than ever before to get to where we want to go and be.
understand that we need to call in reinforcements to help us.
working with our shadows.
Over the past month I have been expanding, growing and building collaborations all while the shadow stuff still emerges in us all. There is a lot in the works right now that I can not share with you just yet, but it is VERY exciting. Keep checking out our calendar for updates.
My Journey from January to February
I am about to embark on some big life transformations that I’ve waited so long for. I can’t share the details yet,
It is ok to periodically stop and say f*** it for a “self-care” soulful PAUSE. I did this the other day when I made an impromptu stop at the beach in Duxbury, MA in order to digest it all and collect my thoughts.
Photo Credit: Beach Dunes, Duxbury, MA by Laura Joseph (c) 2019
I remembered to breathe deep cleansing nourishing soulful breaths.
I reconnected to the roots of my BE-ing.
I felt the ocean breezes invigorate and cleanse my BE-ing.
I gazed over towards the sun that was struggling to break through the dark stormy clouds.
I felt the sand beneath my feet grounding me to Mother Earth.
I practiced gratitude for all that is and all that is to come.
Above it all, I felt close to home … home inside my very BE-ing.
I was reminded that my anxious fears are not because of lack of anything, but because I am closer to becoming the kind of “whole” that I haven’t felt in decades and question “how” to get it done.
Sometimes we fear failure. Sometimes we fear success. What if … what if. .. I actually succeed? What if …? And the flood of anxious emotions surface
It has definitely been a fear of success and feeling of being overwhelmed with all the great things I’ve been working towards. For now, I called in my inner dragon warrior goddess to blaze through the remaining obstacles easily and effortlessly.
Today, I stand before you as I am that I AM – unapologetic, raw, pure, soulful, heart filled with dragon beside me to guide me.
Thank you all for being a part of this journey with me.
Photo Credit: (c) 2019 by Laura Joseph. “Ava” during the cold winter’s sunset, Hingham, MA
February Reveals:
residuals from the January eclipses are still affecting us as the ripples begin to level out if we surrender to the process
breakthroughs in many areas of our life – physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually
understanding the deeper meanings of self love and what that looks like
deeper understanding that what is reflected external is what is also reflected internal
deeper ventures into the shadows to heal, release, bring into light
more shedding of old beliefs, traumas, and situations to people, places, and things.
self-empowerment
ability to step forward into your personal power increases.
continued battles between ego mind and the soul.
As we move through the month of February, it’s important to press PAUSE. Take a slow deep breath and repeat. Then make sure your choices, decisions, reactions, actions are coming from a place of soul.
Learning to connect with the divine within and tapping into the wisdoms of the body can help you with this process.
Be gentle with yourself and trust that your soul has your back.
Here are TWO new blog posts to check out:
#TimesUp Healers & Reiki Practitioners. Plus, Tips on Finding a Reiki Practitioner (including video). Click here
12 Tips and 10 Questions to Ask a Reiki Practitioner and/or Teacher When Healing Trauma. Click here
In the meantime, I am here to help you. Don’t forget to pause, breathe and take a moment for yourself.
Please leave a comment below to let us know if this post inspired or helped you on your path.
With love and appreciation,
