As a parent, there is no greater heartache than losing a child. What can sometimes be harder is feeling that loss over and over and over again, because your children are still alive, but the emotional torture of knowing they are living with a documented abuser and you are powerless, because the system is beyond broken, is unbearable.
Unfortunately, THIS is exactly what abusers are aiming for – to continue their patterns of abuse by using the system against their victims outspending them at the expense of the children.
This is NOT how a parent SHOWS love for their child. These children are just pawns for their abusers sick game. In the end, the children lose and our broken system that claims to protect victims of abuse, do not. In fact, it may be getting worse in light of a 2014 MA Supreme Court cases granting custody of the children to a documented abuser ignoring the best interest of the child statute. With a pending supreme court case currently being heard. Click here. THIS IS DANGEROUS.
This is not to mention how domestic violence in itself spikes during the holidays which can be a dangerous time for survivors.
My Motherly Grief
This holiday season will be the 13th holiday without my children.
I spent over $300k in legal fees defending myself against my abuser whose admitted ONLY mission was to destroy me AND erase any memory of me or my family in my children’s childhood memories. He won cuz he outspent me.
My children were nothing more than a commodity traded on Wall Street legally trafficked by way of family courts.
How can ANY judge NOT see this as a continuing pattern of an already documented history of abuse.
I had hope one day … one day … my children would be old enough to seek me out. I used to count the days to when my children were adults and they would come back to me. I used to have a motto I would say to myself, “As each day passes, I am one day closer”. Meaning, I was looking forward to the day my children were old enough to no longer be in control of their abusive father. It was a way of giving myself hope.
However, what I am now experiencing as each year passes, the grief gets unfortunately gets heavier. Each holiday I am finding to be more painful as two of my children are now over 18 years old with the ability to reach to me. Yet, they still do not want me in their life based on a forced absence and a brain washing technique called, gaslighting resulting in a phenomena called Stockholm Syndrome. This pains me deeply. They have NO concept of what I had to go through to keep them safe, protect them from harm, and fight for them over an exhausting 11 years straight until a judge prohibited me from fighting for them anymore.
It is sad how much our society
condones this type of abuse,
routinely sides with abusers,
victim shames
& we wonder why we have the escalation of gun violence happening in our country.
Our society tripled the damage just with my 3 children alone, never mind the 58,000 American children this happens to EVERY year.
Why do I do what I do?
I feel part of healing trauma is
Laura at Deer Valley Buddhist Retreat Center, San Diego, CA
facing this very dark harsh reality,
keep talking about it until someone listens,
stand in our truth against all odds,
when our children are legally trafficked from us, when we heal our energetic core, we also heal theirs on some level too
& somehow we make peace with it all.
The BEST revenge against any abuser is to THRIVE against all that was stolen from us.
So for those struggling right now with the loss of your children, know I feel you. I empathize with you. You’re NOT alone. We are in this together.
The BEST action is to support survivors in whatever way necessary. This means:
holding space for survivors
believing a victim of abuse
question the abuser NOT the victim
stop shaming survivors
assist in funding housing and job creations
assist in babysitting
volunteer at a shelter
donate to the cause – it take A LOT of money
become a good litigation family law attorney with a focus on domestic violence law and custody
walk the walk
model healthy behavior for your children and DO your own inner work so the cycle of generational abuse can finally end.
I see too many survivors STILL aligning with abusers. THIS must end if we are to change the abuse culture we live in today.
My pain is still here, but I choose to channel it into something that will break the cycle of abuse perpetrated against my children
One of my reasons for sharing my story, my healing path, my journey publicly is
Laura on Cape Cod, MA
NOT to gain sympathy,
but to shed light on an unrecognized epidemic in our society,
to bring voice to others lurking in the shadows silenced by abuse,
and to know no matter how dire, healing CAN HAPPEN.
Up to 80% of contested custody cases involving abuse award abusers and legally steal our children away from us as punishment for speaking out, saying “no more”, seeking safety, justice or all the above.
We can NOT let the abuser steal our life TOO. If we do, THEY win. The best we can do for our children, is SHOW what healing, recovery, and resiliency look like.
Our ability to THRIVE CAN happen.
Please don’t lose sight of the mission.
How will you use your pain? Loss? Grief?
Thank you for supporting my journey.
With appreciation, Laura
For more information about classes, click here and our events calendar, click here.
I am a badass dragon spiritual warrior goddess that burns away fear buried deep in my shadows, shields my human vessel from harm, stands strong in my truth and raw authentic power, and moves swiftly against those who victimize others.
Today, I am making “herstory” with some dragon magic in tow. I am no longer a victim of my past, but a badass. It’s taken me a VERY long time (decades) to get to this point. CPTSD and the fallout of trying to survive after abuse is NOT easy…far from it.
I’m going thru lots of growing pains right now & on the verge of a major breakthrough … the kind I’ve waited a lifetime for if not multiple lifetimes.
See me.
Feel me.
Hear me.
Bare witness to the transformation and magic of dragon in the depths of my soul.
AND so, I bless my junk … I bless all who caused me harm & I mourn all I lost. In doing so, I find the buried treasure residing within me all along … buried in my own shadows. To read more on this bless your junk series, click here.
Today I celebrate ALL OF ME and all the brave courageous strong women before me.
I celebrate the wisdom of my ancestors breathing and pulsating in my veins.
I celebrate all the badass women and men who have guided me, supported me, journeyed with me, and mentored me throughout the years.
First, I would like to thank you for supporting me in my journey doing what I was put on this earth plane to do.
It has been an honor and pleasure to serve you and our community, and I look forward to continuing to grow, expand, collaborate, serve, and evolve together as we move into 2019.
Here is some insights to help you navigate you through this post:
What 2018 Taught Us
Highlights of 2018
What I Personally Experienced in 2018
Death and Dying
Understanding the Role of Trauma in Our Lives. Exposing It. Healing It’s Roots.
For those who are spiritually awake or began to experience this awakening this year, we understood all we experienced needed to be experienced for our soul’s growth and as part of the greater expansion of the Universe.
I have said it before and I will say it again … healing sucks, but ohhhhh so worth it. When we dig deep, and heal what is buried in the depths of our shadows of our subconscious minds, cellular memory of our body, and souls, we raise our frequency and vibration. We also free ourselves of all the resistance and blocks that were suppressing our gifts and light and step into our power of who we are as soul beings.
And we did just that – We got deep. We got real. We went into the darkness of our souls to heal and expand.
Here are some highlights of 2018:
The #MeToo movement continued to gain momentum as the veil continued to lift. With the divine feminine energy that has been rising, no wonder we are seeing this also rise up, and will continue to see it rise up in 2019. I suspect a few surprises in store for 2019. Don’t be shocked is all I will have to say.
There are some who are resisting to dig deep in their own shadows and heal whether it be out of fear and/or complacency creating clashes with those awake and doing their spiritual work. What we have seen play out across the globe in the environment, climate, and politics that mirrored this.
We recognized that what was “broken” in our lives – health, relationships, job, etc, was the result of either something unresolved or unhealed buried in our shadows or following path of ego spiritually bypassing our soul’s growth and healing.
We are understanding clearer what it means to stand in our power and live authentically unapologetically. This energy will amplify in 2019 for those doing their spiritual work. So hold on tight.
Our senses, especially empaths, became heightened and more sensitive. Some even found an increase sensitivity to toxic foods, chemicals, and medications.
Many experienced spiritual crisis or healing crisis that may have baffled the medical communities. I am not surprised as the medical system, although is wonderful in many ways, is designed to treat symptoms not root causes. It was a surge in these root causes (many stemming from old wounds or trauma) that are rising to be healed and cleared. This is where we have seen a surge of alternative therapies succeeding where traditional medicine is failing. I feel this trend will also continue into 2019.
The presence of dragons has never been stronger as it is right now. I know there are many out there who are feeling this too, and there are many who will disagree. The dragon energy is a powerful one to harness and a powerful force to work with moving into 2019.
What I Personally Experienced in 2018
“The day science begins to study non-physical phenomena, it will make more progress in one decade than in all the previous centuries of its existence. ” – Nikola Tesla
Death and Dying
I received a profound message from Spirit in the fall of 2017, while preparing for 2018. I heard a whisper from Spirit to keep the early part of the summer free from commitments as I would be dealing with loss.
This triggered waves of anxiety as there were several people and pets around me seriously ill and some I knew were terminal with cancer. Oddly enough, I was also triggered with waves of solace and peace as I’ve witnessed how the spirit world works in mysterious but beautiful ways.
So in the end of June of 2018, I experienced the loss of four individuals within 2 weeks. I was blessed and honored to have been a part of the end of life spiritual care and assisting in transitions of two of these beautiful souls.
What I experienced assisting several individuals in 2018 in the transition process is that death can be celebrated if not beautiful. Death doesn’t mean life ends or it’s over. It just means transformation from one energy vibration to another … often times our loved ones in spirit will leave us “signs” to let us know they are around.
Understanding the Role of Trauma in Our Lives. Exposing It. Healing It’s Roots.
The work I have been doing with trauma this year has shot up exponentially in ways I have found the traditional medical community ill-equipped to truly help these individuals experiencing what I considered an awakening that triggered a spiritual crisis.
The kinds of experiences I witnessed this year needless to say blew me away. My ability to expand grew as did the experience to bare witness to all sorts of incredible breakthroughs of so many brave amazing souls.
What we learned in 2018 is that much of our physical and/or mental issues whether a headache, tooth pain, sinus infection, IBS symptom, need for a knee replacement, need for hysterectomy, back pain etc was much more than what was presented on the surface. There were deep seeded layers upon layers subconscious wounds of old traumas (personal, generational, and/or past life) trying to be released.
Once we understood the connection, we shifted focus to treating the root cause vs the symptom with a team approach including family, therapists, doctors, significant others, domestic violence support groups, and much more in order to become “whole” again.
What we witnessed at the National Domestic Violence Conference I attended in September 2018, is that we must stand on our conviction. Plus, integrating ancient wisdoms, traditions, and healing practices as part of helping survivors of abuse was refreshing to finally see. To witness the power of an 11 yo girl stand in her full authentic power was inspiring. That being government funded is another way of patriarchal control preventing deep healing from taking place for survivors.
Since then, the VAWA has since lapsed and many programs are now in jeopardy. It will be interesting to see how this all plays out for 2019.
Every Day Miracles:
“But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don’t even recognize. A blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black curious eyes of a child, our own two eyes. All is a miracle.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
We witness miracles every day, but many times in our current society, we take them for granted and focus on the adrenaline rush of the “BIG” moments.
There are miracles every day from our body’s ability to self generate electricity to fight off cancer to transform the air we breath into nourishment for the soul to the earth’s ability to ward off harmful rays of the sun to the sun stimulating plants to grow and our bodies to manufacture valuable vitamins such as Vitamin D. Here are some miracles that happened in 2018:
To have a client who has been unwell for months with possible flair up from a degenerative autoimmune neurological condition, tell you that they can’t remember the last time they had function and mobility in their hand ever like they did after 2 sessions, and I was like WOW. They also informed me that the injection they get to treat this disease costs over $200k per dose.
To have an end stage terminal client unable to swallow their own saliva preventing them from eating for days, and after one focused session, that ability returned and would give a 3 day relief and ability to live out their final days with quality and dignity, before another session had to be administered. There was NO traditional medical treatment available to assist with this issue at that time
To watch my first ever local bald eagle circling over my office. When noticed, he flew off, and was later the sighting was validated in one of the major local newspapers. For those who follow me and understand, THIS was a great omen and sign.
To be able to participate in the transition of a loved one into spirit along side of a Catholic priest was a first for me and a beautiful experience. And in 2018, I was privileged with assisting in the transitions of three individuals this year,.
To being asked to be a guest speaker and medium at a local church and after the service, to receive not one but many beautiful letters from one special lady and this made me smile. Miracles happen when we least expect them.
Laura at sunrise in Seattle, WA studying with Tadao Yamaguchi in April 2018.
Personal Expansion:
This year I grew too along with all of you. I continued to work on the shadow aspects of myself and called in trust sources to assist me in the process.
I increased my own self care regimens and took a break from anything that would cause over-stimulation – tv, public places, computers, etc.
I sat in some powerful sacred circles with some amazing individuals who embody this spiritual walk.
I was also fortunate to study with Tadao Yamaguchi in April for my continued teacher Jikiden Reiki training.
Our programs also expanded. We offered 2 women’s retreats this past year where we dug deep and journeyed into self discovery in a community of sisterhood in a safe supported sacred container. We will are looking at collaborations to expand this program for 2019. Stay tuned.
It is a new year and a time for new beginnings to manifest.
How well you stand in your truth and authenticity and how well you respond to chaos externally will determine how well 2019 will go for you. Let’s look at how.
Insight into 2019:
Lessons and Themes for 2019
More Miracles
Challenges For Many Still
Numerology Aspect
6 tips to guide you in 2019
Lessons and/or Themes For 2019
I feel 2019 will be an amplified version of 2018 depending on where you are at in your spiritual journey, and could prove to be a difficult one for some.
Heighten sensitivities will increase.
What will be important as we move through 2019 is how well grounded or centered we can be.
“Master the calm within the storm” – Buddha. It will be important to be in a place of stillness regardless of what turbulence is around us.
The divine feminine will continue to rise shifting frequency and vibration.
Dragon energy and other forces like it will intensify. Dragon has connected with me personally, but it may be another force that connects with you being phoenix, eagle, angels, etc.
Personal power and authenticity will ring strong this year. 2018 prepped us for deeper work in this area. Be ready to dig deep in the shadows and shine in your power.
The major theme is really about being the best piece of the larger puzzle of the universe. No competition. No grass is greener on the other side type themes, but more about you and being best version of you.
More Miracles
I feel miracles about to happen on so many fronts and dimensions. This #metoo movement has restored much in me that I thought was lost forever. Many of you have been hearing me talk about for months regarding the paradoxes, the silver linings, and shifts of focus.
Many of us have worked hard and diligent in cleaning up our vibration, facing our shadow selves, and choosing to live more authentically.
I see the personal storms clearing and the sun returning. This is the perfect time to plant those heirloom seeds you been wanting to plant.
Challenges for Many Still
If you have not worked on your shadows aka your junk over the past couple years, this year could prove to be challenging.
Healing the past is crucial to moving forward. I have seen a surge of “old traumas” over the past few years surface and amplifying with each year passing – whether our own, generational or past life.
We are at a crossroads now. We have become a culture who has normalized abuse and violence in many ways. So when it comes to things we did to others or things that may have happened to us in the past, we think time will heal all wounds, and brush it under the carpet.
Some of us may have seen ourselves do this. We may have even “gaslighted” ourselves in the process.
In order to move forward, you must heal and accept your authentic true self. No one ever said healing was a pleasant journey, but it is a worthwhile one that can lead us to our soul purpose and path.
As a matter of fact, healing can down right be painful and exhausting giving glimpses of questioning life and our faith. However, somehow, we manage to push through the barriers and search for that rainbow at the end of the storm that just wreaked havoc in our lives.
It is through our greatest adversities where we find the greatest gifts.
The hard human lessons for this year will include:
More transitions from physical form to spiritual form. Some physical bodies may be to weak to move forward. Others may have a soul that is too high of a frequency for the physical body to handle. Others may choose to exit and return in a different vessel.
Numerology Aspect
This year is a three year in numerology (2+0+1+9 = 12/3). I always associate 12 with karma. This year will focus on a LOT of deeper issues and stuff especially in the realms of trauma, justice, and oppression. Some may not even be your own. It may be generational (can go back up to 7 generations) or it could be past life stuff.
The number three is about creative self expression, communication and is connected to the Ascended Masters such as Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, Archangels.
Just as in 2018, the concept of self care, self acceptance, self love will increase momentum in 2019. You will be forced to look within and understand the relationship you have with your own soul and inner guidance system will be a huge determining factor on success and your definition of success.
The number three is connected to:
past, present, future
birth, life, death
beginning, middle, end
divinity number
number connected to magic – “three times a charm”
The three Borromeam Rings are three rings that are interlocked. If any single ring is removed, the two remaining rings will fall apart.
primary colors – red, yellow, blue
The Triple Moon/The Triple Goddess. It shows her three aspects as maiden, mother and crone.
Gemini is the third astrological sign of the Zodiac. (May 21 – June 21)
Number three is the number of Jupiter.
In the Tarot, three is the card of the Empress which is symbolic for creation and growth.
Great Pyramid of Giza: There are three larger pyramids side by side mathematically aligned in position to Orion’s Belt. There are also three smaller pyramids nearby. The ancients emulated these shapes found in nature using threefold and sixfold symmetry.
The number three is a big transformational number too. Nikola Tesla understood this better than most.
“If you knew the magnificence of the three, six, nine, you would have a key to the universe.” – Nikola Tesla
Nikola Tesla was a genius and superstitious. He understood the magic of these numbers and the universal language of pattern aka numbers found in life, galaxies, evolution, sacred geometry, and almost all natural systems which are actually devoid of the numbers 3, 6, 9. He understood that 3 + 3 + 3 = 9. Nine is a number connected to the secrets to unlocking the mysteries of the Universe.
So this is another BIG year in numerology terms. This will be focused on digging deeper into the shadow aspects of ourselves, stepping forward in our authenticity and power, personal transformation and letting go of expectations of people, places and things for 2019.
Are you ready?
Here are 6 tips to guide you in 2019:
These tips are pretty much the same as I wrote about for 2018, but will be amplified for 2019. The concept of living more authentically in 2019 is crucial.
Practice the art of presence. Some refer to this practice also as mindfulness. Be aware of your thoughts, actions, and reactions. Adjust as necessary to bring you back to the present moment.
Listen to the wisdom of the body. When we build a relationship with our bodies and listen to its wisdom, we are given insight and healing to things before that may have left us feeling stuck like a hamster on a wheel.
Raise your vibration. By being more mindful of our thoughts and how it affects our wellbeing and life, we can become more aware of how to shift. When we listen to the wisdom of the body, we become more aware of how our thoughts physically, emotionally and spiritually affect us. By focusing on gratitude, we raise our vibration. Sickness and disease live on lower vibrational energies.
Self Care. This has been a theme than began in 2015, but really increased its momentum as witnessed in 2018. Self care needs to no longer be at the bottom of the list, but rather at the top of the list. You and your loved ones will thank you in the end. Not to mention, you set a prime example of caring for yourself in a loving and compassionate way to your children. What a gift!
Rise Up. Act. This is time to get involved in a social justice project. The energies have not been more supported in this area since I began my personal journey in 2005. I am excited to us all become more empowered and living more authentically in our truth.
As always, I am here to help you illuminate your soul, guide you on your path, assist you in removing toxicity, and restore wholeness in your life.
I am available for private sessions, groups, speaking appearances, and more. Contact me for more information or to schedule a private session.
Happy New Year to you and yours. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself, and master riding these waves of change.
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This series “Today I Bless My Junk” has been quite the challenge for me. However, I feel if I am to convey a certain message, I choose to be raw, real and authentic seeing all of me with an unaltered video.
Here is part four in the series of “Today I Bless My Junk”. In this video I go into the “WHY” we need to bless our junk especially during these intense energetic times as part of the today I bless my junk series.
We all have junk … Do we not?
We all have junk lurking in our shadows … in our closets … in the depths of our minds. We don’t know what to do with something and what do we do? We put it in the closet? Right? Then when our closet gets full, we gasp and avoid dealing with the closet. Sound familiar?
Why the #metoo and #timesup movements are important
Survivors of abuse who have once been silenced are now being heard in ways unprecedented. This is BIGGER than we know and could ever imagine and goes far beyond what has happened with abuse survivors. It transcends into race, culture, economics, religion, and more.
What does it mean to bless your junk?
To bless your junk means to take all the pain, hurt, trauma, betrayals, etc and transform it for wholeness, happiness, prosperity, and success.
According to the Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary, a blessing is “a thing conducive to happiness or welfare”. A blessing endowed power for prosperity and success.
Foreword- Tigger Alert – Triggers can happened in sometimes the most unpredictable ways. Be aware of what triggers you. If by any reason you find this video triggering. I encourage you to stop and pause a moment before you continue.
In this video:
What is the junk?
The paradigm shift
Importance of the #metoo movement
What does it mean to bless your junk
5 reasons why to bless your junk
Take a Class
Please join us March 31st for our next class on “Learn How To Bless Your Junk and Take Back Your Power Now” at a great low introductory rate. Please visit our calender event for details.
Other Videos in the Video Series
For my other videos in the series of “Today I Bless My Junk #metoo”
As always, please support my healing journey and my desire to help break the cycle of abuse through healing. There many ways you can do this.
Take action on the things I mention in this video series
Share these videos
Leave supportive comments and let me know what pearl you took away with you
Let me know what you would like to see the next video to be on
Book me for a speaking engagement. I speak on many topics. One of the most common is on healing trauma through holistic and spiritually based practices.
As always, thank you for your support and being a part of my spiritual journey.
Become an ally – Help me become a better speaker, communicator and video producer. Want to volunteer your services to help make that happen? Email me and let’s collaborate.
This series “Today I Bless My Junk” has been quite the challenge for me. However, I feel if I am to convey a certain message, I choose to be raw, real and authentic seeing all of me with an unaltered video.
Here is part three in the series of “Today I Bless My Junk”. This topic is on what happens when you speak out and why women wait 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 years to speak out.
I go into the retaliations and a little bit of my story and my experiences with retaliations. I have only spoken out twice in my life outside this video series, and both times I experienced retaliations that I feel were worse than the abuses themselves.
So, why wait?
Why speak out now?
Don’t be fooled by the bogus apologies.
When will it all end?
Followed by 10 tips on what you can do today to be the change for the future.
Other Videos in the Video Series
For my other videos in the series of “Today I Bless My Junk #metoo”
As always, please support my healing journey and my desire to help break the cycle of abuse through healing. There many ways you can do this.
Take action on the things I mention in this video series
Share these videos
Leave supportive comments and let me know what pearl you took away with you
Let me know what you would like to see the next video to be on
Book me for a speaking engagement. I speak on many topics. One of the most common is on healing trauma through holistic and spiritually based practices.
As always, thank you for your support and being a part of my spiritual journey.
Become an ally – Help me become a better speaker, communicator and video producer. Want to volunteer your services to help make that happen? Email me and let’s collaborate.
Thank you to all who have come forward to share their stories as this gave me the courage to do this video.
Do you bless your junk?
Have you been feeling all these cosmic changes and shift storms especially since the solar eclipse?
Truths are being revealed and shadows are coming to the light.
Learn how to take your old traumas (personal, generational, and karmic) and stories and bless them. Learn how to let go so you can Free Yourself of your past.
This video was inspired after the countless courageous women who stood up against abusers especially those in a position of power and are finally being heard.
This is my journey of healing from multiple abuses from rape, sexual harassment, and domestic violence that resulted in PTSD.
I hope this inspires you on your healing path, and I thank you for reading and watching.
Please be kind and leave a positive comment here or on Youtube. .
OTHER VIDEOS
This video is the first in a series “Today I Bless My Junk”
As always, please support my healing journey and my desire to help break the cycle of abuse through healing. There many ways you can do this.
Take action on the things I mention in this video series
Share these videos
Leave supportive comments and let me know what pearl you took away with you
Let me know what you would like to see the next video to be on
Book me for a speaking engagement. I speak on many topics. One of the most common is on healing trauma through holistic and spiritually based practices.
Become an ally – Help me become a better speaker, communicator and video producer. Want to volunteer your services to help make that happen? Email me and let’s collaborate.
As always, thank you for your support and being a part of my spiritual journey.
Death and Dying
It is a new year and a time for new beginnings to manifest.
As always, I am here to help you illuminate your soul, guide you on your path, assist you in removing toxicity, and restore wholeness in your life.
