The Dark Side of the Holidays From A Trauma Survivor
As a parent, there is no greater heartache than losing a child. What can sometimes be harder is feeling that loss over and over and over again, because your children are still alive, but the emotional torture of knowing they are living with a documented abuser and you are powerless, because the system is beyond broken, is unbearable.
Unfortunately, THIS is exactly what abusers are aiming for – to continue their patterns of abuse by using the system against their victims outspending them at the expense of the children.
This is NOT how a parent SHOWS love for their child. These children are just pawns for their abusers sick game. In the end, the children lose and our broken system that claims to protect victims of abuse, do not. In fact, it may be getting worse in light of a 2014 MA Supreme Court cases granting custody of the children to a documented abuser ignoring the best interest of the child statute. With a pending supreme court case currently being heard. Click here. THIS IS DANGEROUS.
This is not to mention how domestic violence in itself spikes during the holidays which can be a dangerous time for survivors.
My Motherly Grief
This holiday season will be the 13th holiday without my children.
I spent over $300k in legal fees defending myself against my abuser whose admitted ONLY mission was to destroy me AND erase any memory of me or my family in my children’s childhood memories. He won cuz he outspent me.
My children were nothing more than a commodity traded on Wall Street legally trafficked by way of family courts.
How can ANY judge NOT see this as a continuing pattern of an already documented history of abuse.
I had hope one day … one day … my children would be old enough to seek me out. I used to count the days to when my children were adults and they would come back to me. I used to have a motto I would say to myself, “As each day passes, I am one day closer”. Meaning, I was looking forward to the day my children were old enough to no longer be in control of their abusive father. It was a way of giving myself hope.
However, what I am now experiencing as each year passes, the grief gets unfortunately gets heavier. Each holiday I am finding to be more painful as two of my children are now over 18 years old with the ability to reach to me. Yet, they still do not want me in their life based on a forced absence and a brain washing technique called, gaslighting resulting in a phenomena called Stockholm Syndrome. This pains me deeply. They have NO concept of what I had to go through to keep them safe, protect them from harm, and fight for them over an exhausting 11 years straight until a judge prohibited me from fighting for them anymore.
It is sad how much our society
- condones this type of abuse,
- routinely sides with abusers,
- victim shames
- & we wonder why we have the escalation of gun violence happening in our country.
Our society tripled the damage just with my 3 children alone, never mind the 58,000 American children this happens to EVERY year.
Why do I do what I do?
I feel part of healing trauma is
- facing this very dark harsh reality,
- keep talking about it until someone listens,
- stand in our truth against all odds,
- when our children are legally trafficked from us, when we heal our energetic core, we also heal theirs on some level too
- & somehow we make peace with it all.
The BEST revenge against any abuser is to THRIVE against all that was stolen from us.
So for those struggling right now with the loss of your children, know I feel you. I empathize with you. You’re NOT alone. We are in this together.
The BEST action is to support survivors in whatever way necessary. This means:
- holding space for survivors
- believing a victim of abuse
- question the abuser NOT the victim
- stop shaming survivors
- assist in funding housing and job creations
- assist in babysitting
- volunteer at a shelter
- donate to the cause – it take A LOT of money
- become a good litigation family law attorney with a focus on domestic violence law and custody
- walk the walk
- model healthy behavior for your children and DO your own inner work so the cycle of generational abuse can finally end.
I see too many survivors STILL aligning with abusers. THIS must end if we are to change the abuse culture we live in today.
My pain is still here, but I choose to channel it into something that will break the cycle of abuse perpetrated against my children
One of my reasons for sharing my story, my healing path, my journey publicly is
- NOT to gain sympathy,
- but to shed light on an unrecognized epidemic in our society,
- to bring voice to others lurking in the shadows silenced by abuse,
- and to know no matter how dire, healing CAN HAPPEN.
Up to 80% of contested custody cases involving abuse award abusers and legally steal our children away from us as punishment for speaking out, saying “no more”, seeking safety, justice or all the above.
We can NOT let the abuser steal our life TOO. If we do, THEY win. The best we can do for our children, is SHOW what healing, recovery, and resiliency look like.
Our ability to THRIVE CAN happen.
Please don’t lose sight of the mission.
How will you use your pain? Loss? Grief?
Thank you for supporting my journey.
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© 2015-2019 Laura Joseph. All Rights Reserved. This information is for general educational uses only. It may not apply to you and your specific medical needs. This information should not be used in place of a visit, call, consultation with or the advice of your physician or health care professional. Communicate promptly with your physician or other health care professional with any health-related questions or concerns. This article does not share the opinions of Healing With Spirit or its affiliates. Be sure to follow specific instructions given to you by your physician or health care professional.