Who is a part of the family and our lives.
The other day I stumbled upon THIS image on the ground and wanted to share.
Here is my #cantmakethisshitup moment.
My story on grief …
DO YOU SEE THE DOG WITH WINGS?
I know many of you have been inquiring how I am doing since Ava’s passing.
I am holding my own. I am aware & paying attention to HOW I am grieving. I am noticing the following:
♡ I still have trust issues when allowing myself to be vulnerable in the presence of others. I recognize my body’s trigger fight/flight/freeze response in the presence of genuine kindness. I am working on this.
♡ I tend to do most of my grieving & processing alone as a result.
♡ I am busy with my work as well as initiating the creation of JRA of MA (Jikiden Reiki Association of MA)
♡ I sleep with Ava’s ashes next to me every night when at my house. Weird huh?
♡ I wake up every day and sometimes in the middle of the night looking for my girl laying on her usual spot on my bed.
♡ I wake up daily still feel like I gotta take her for her walks, give her reiki, administer her fish oils & CBD oil & the like.
♡ I see my clients in my office looking to see where Ava is.
☆☆☆ These are all brief episodes btw. They do NOT linger nor do they fester.☆☆☆
♡ I leave my office wondering where Ava is so I can take her home & take care of her needs.
♡ I am rebelling going for walks in nature feeling like I am missing my partner. It’s just not the same.
♡ My grieving process actually began exactly 3yrs ago when I thought I was going to lose Ava after almost dying from a rabies vaccine. It took 9mo of reiki, diet changes, addition of supplements, increased bathing for her to recover about 80%.
♡ I am grateful for the work I get to do every day, because the weight & way I process grief is so different than before I understood the spiritual world the way I do now.
♡ I am grateful for the self care tools I have learned over the years to give pause, process, cope, be aware, process, allow, process, surrender, trust in the divine flow of things.
♡ Finally, she gives me #signs regularly to let me know she’s near & keeps bringing me back on track.
For that I am grateful.
I am grateful for the outpouring cards, gifts, calls, messages etc.
I am recognizing that I STILL have issues surrounding my ability to receive openly without fear.
I guess another gift my baby girl gave me to work on myself on my “14/5” year and “4” year collectively in numerology.
She’s taught me so much over 14.5 years and continues to teach me.
Ava is part of my soul family. I was lucky to have her 2x in this life.
I was her caretaker in the end.
And in the end many caretakers of loved ones experience not only a loss of a loved one, but a loss of a “job” or routine to care for another.
All I ask is this … for those who know others as caretakers, when they suffer a loss, BE there. Cuz sometimes, there’s a double whammy & some times we don’t have the ability to put into words what we are experiencing.
The ability to hold space for another is such an amazingly great gift.
Thank you all for reading and allowing me to share my grieving process with you all.
With much appreciation,
© 2015-2020 Laura Joseph. All Rights Reserved. This information is for general educational uses only. It may not apply to you and your specific medical needs. This information should not be used in place of a visit, call, consultation with or the advice of your physician or health care professional. Communicate promptly with your physician or other health care professional with any health-related questions or concerns. This article does not share the opinions of Healing With Spirit or its affiliates. Be sure to follow specific instructions given to you by your physician or health care professional.