WOW what a ride this week has been and since the election emotions have been quite high. I have my own feelings that have come to light this week and I will share them with you shortly. This is a very sensitive subject matter especially for trauma survivors, and my only request is that you read this with an open heart and without judgement.
I am also an empath, so I feel intensely the energies around me and of those people around me whether person to person or virtually. As I write this, I am choosing to honor my own feelings and I am choosing to honor yours as well.
Before I continue on my experiences after the election, let me share with you my experiences and thoughts on the day of the election and why I felt so paralyzed to vote. One of my trauma coping mechanisms is journaling. Here is what I wrote on the day of the election, November 8, 2016, and when I decided to publish it, I chose to keep it as is so you may experience my full experience.
|Graphic by Laura Joseph, Healing With Spirit|
“I never realized how triggering and paralyzing today’s election was until today when it was time to cast a vote. The governmental abuse, disregard and metaphorical rape of women and children, the narcissistic sociopathic behaviors of our two primary candidates, the disregard for life not to mention threats and intimidation brings back flash backs of the horrors I endured attempting to leave and to protect my children from abuse only to have them legally trafficked by way of family court, and the more I fought trying to grasp at any straw to save them and myself, the more I was threatened and retaliated against and even went to jail.
There is no worse feeling in the world than drowning in a sea of trauma, abuse, lies, and deceit begging for someone to reach out to pull me and my children out only to be met with the mighty oar pushing you back under hoping you just die.
Today’s election and everything it stands for and against, has paralyzed my ability to vote bridging past abuse with political rhetoric that merged as if it became one reality especially when the deepest darkest shadows of America is cracked wide open.
Some of you may say, get over it and move on.
After all, it’s been almost 11 yrs since you left your abuser. My head and mind already know that. However, It’s my physical body trapped in fight or flight in its attempt to shield me and protect me from further trauma and abuse screaming inside begging when will it end. When will peace reign on earth, and I no longer have to maintain a fight or flight state which has severely taxed my adrenal glands?
It is extremely difficult to engage in exercising my right to vote especially when reports of bullying, insults, and intimidation are becoming the norm. This weekend I realized I still do “avoidance” tactics which is part of trauma response. Today, I realized how bad I still do it.
|The redtail hawk Laura saw on November 8, 2016|
As I left my house this morning tearing myself apart for not practicing what I preached paralyzed in fear a redtail hawk swooped out of nowhere flying alongside my truck on Rockland Street until I hit the breaks and he flew to the top of the tree. i pulled over, exercised gratitude, and had a mini animal totem pow wow.The message I received was to take the pressure off myself and to focus on the long term picture not on the short term and to stop being so hard on myself. The hawk is showing me to trust and take flight. I may feel unsupported in the human realm, but to know I am supported in the divine realm.
I guess in one aspect the avoidance has allowed me to heal and move forward, but in another aspect when confronted, it is paralyzing. God help America.”
|Photo & Quote by Laura Joseph|
Healing With Spirit. All Rights Reserved
I had so much anxiety on the day of the election, it was overwhelming. I felt alone, as the trigger spiraled. I pulled every tool I knew to cope including meditation, reiki, journaling, crystal, vibrational healing via tibetan medicine singing bowls, walks and communing in nature, and non attachment.
When I saw the redtail hawk, I knew it was a sign. Signs from above have been very prominent for me in my healing journey since I had lost faith and trust in humanity. Connecting with the divine was my lifeline.
Redtail hawks have been a great message bearer for me over the years. They adapt to life well even amongst the human race and are a great service to humanity. The human race has drifted so far away from source, we miss the magic they offer. I was grateful for my divine team and angels for this message.
As I maintained a ping pong match of emotions that day, I decided to go for a walk and was greeted with three crows with a mourning dove perched just above. I smiled and moved forward, and my anxiety began to wane, but not enough to head to the polls and vote. You see for me it was not the idea of voting that was the trigger for me. It was the idea of dealing with something with what I perceived as a corrupt, abusive government and even though in my head, I knew not to fear, my body kept tying to trick me otherwise.
From a spiritual sense, crow is another very powerful message bearer, keeper of the universal sacred laws, and represent magic. They are the harbinger of change in all areas of life; physical, spiritual, mental and emotional. They can aid us in moving between realms of the spirit world and physical life. Crow was a wonderful reminder to create and manifest what I seek. The fact there were three, reminds me how divinely support I am and focuses my attention to my ability to communicate more effectively. Crow announces a newness on the horizon. Are you aware of the nuances in life? Are you listening to signs around you? Crow can give strength and show you how to maneuver in intuitions and insights.
When I woke up on Wednesday, November 9, 2016, I was and was not shocked at the results. I was not shocked, because, I had predicted early spring of Hillary Clinton’s downfall. I however, was fearful of a Trump Presidency and was hoping for a different, maybe more Utopian result.
I have over come so much in my life. I have chosen to do my best to never judge those who voted a certain way because it is a constitutional right. I choose to not let those choices break up my “tribe”.
Although, I thought I was much further along in my healing, I am taking a pause. I am holding space and trying to not feed the fear. Instead, I am choosing to allow to feel these emotions. I am allowing to feel the fear. I am talking to the inner child within, who clearly is still wounded, and asking her what will it take to feel safe again so the fear can be released for good this time.
I am BEing mindful how I unleash my emotions on my friends, family, neighbors, co-workers, etc. We all have a choice. If we want change, we must go within first.
In the end we are all one. Fear begets more fear. Hate begets more hate. Only love can conquer hate and fear. Only love can create peace.
The veil is thin right now. Many truths are being revealed. Our own shadows are surfacing. We’ve been feeling it rise like a cauldron of a volcano for quite a while.
All the answers we seek lie within. So please let’s pause and be mindful of our thoughts, words, posts, actions.
Here’s a quote I love that resonates, and I changed it to create action: “I surrender to what is. I let go of what was and I have faith in what will be.”
Today, I choose to step into the light and BE the beacon.
It’s time we get centered. Breathe … Bring back our power … breathe … feel compassion … breathe …
And breath in Love … breathe … and breathe out fear.
Together let’s radiate love and let it transmute any misqualified energies.
Together, we not only help ourselves, but our brothers and sisters, our fellow struggling American, the rest of the world, Mother Earth etc.
I honor and appreciate each of you.
Let’s create the greatest most contagious virus of Love. Change begins with us. That change is internal.
Here are a few related links for more information
- Trust in Your Path
- Trusting During The Storm
- Learning To Ride The Storm
- The Ripple Effect and Spirituality
- Expansion Mode, Getting Unstuck, Moving Past Fear
- Lessons During The Bipolar Ping Pong Match of Emotions to Paradoxical Extremes
- Whether Things are Good or Bad, Go Up
- Spiritual Purging? 10 Tips on What You Can Do To Ease the Transition During These Cosmic Shifts
- It’s All How We Perceive Our World. A Message From The Divine
- Our Soul is Trying To Awaken, Are you Listening?
- Healing Trauma By Stepping Into Your Power Through The Universal Energies of Change and Forgiveness
- Spirituality and Your Health
- My Story of Embodying Reiki To Heal Trauma Associated With Abuse
I am here to help.
With Love and appreciation,
Spiritual Medium, Public Speaker, and Teacher
Usui Reiki Master Teacher
Jikiden Reiki Shihan
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